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The Wattage of My Heart

I often listen to audiobooks and music on my ipod when driving. Now, my older Toyota lacks the ability to plug in my ipod directly into the car’s sound system. I have this inexpensive ipod dock that plugs into my cigarette lighter and plays on the FM band. It works fairly well. This device worked well for many years. A few weeks back, it didn’t any longer. The dock unexpectedly shorted out- and the pesky-to-locate 15 amp fuse under the steering column had the tell-tale black burn mark of failure.

This got me intrigued with why this happened. And as my brain tends to function, this prompted me to see how much wattage an ipod actually puts out. Surely not 15 amps @ 12 volts… this would be 180 watts (according to my high school physics memory). 60 milliwatts, it turns out… on full volume… is it better if I say 0.06 watts? Perhaps I should just tell you that it is a truly tiny trickle of electrons: a soft ooze of juice. Here is my mini-mystery that I keep thinking about: when I have this ipod docked, and this whisper of energy emits a signal- a song or a voice- I can fill my car with amazing, living rich, deep human sound. All from this paltry pulse of wattage.

My inner teacher emits even less energy. My soul truth- the music of my best wisdom- is a trickle of energy, too. I often cannot hear it. My life blares. Other inner and outer signals operate at far higher wattage: fear, anxiety, proving myself.

My heart longs for a small group that can serve as a dock. I need the amplification of a few friends. I need the amplification of those who can listen to me speak my own best truth. They keep the channel open when they do not fix, save, correct or advise me. They amplify my heart signal by receiving that whisper and keeping the space safe for my tender attempts. They increase my weak signal into a sound I can hear. They lend me resonance, volume and life. I can hear my own voice.


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